COVID Diary: Battle with loneliness makes me feel the worth of freedom, writes Arunabha Bhattacharjee

July 16: With each passing day and hour, the battle with the virus, no, the battle with the mind, with ‘loneliness’ seems to be getting tough. Used to living in the midst of family, friends, relatives and society, hardly did I get time, or managed to find time to talk to my ‘own self’, ruminate over the surroundings. Hardly did I notice the tall trees, or little shrubs surrounding my apartment. I cannot remember when I last took a long look at the vast sky overhead with its changing hues, with its changing colour and texture.

It is 5.45 in the evening and through the little opening of the window in my room, (for I am not supposed to open the window pane of my room) as I took a long look at the vast sky overhead, a host of questions/ thoughts crowded my mind. Though I felt to be a grain of dust compared to the unending grey sky overhead, it served as a source of inspiration, a source of sustenance to me. I inhaled the freedom enjoyed by the birds flying across the vast sky, the freedom enjoyed by the trees and other objects of nature.

I remembered to have read a narrative titled “Isaac Newton” (when I was in the 9th standard) wherein Newton observed “I find myself as a pebble standing beside the sea, while the vast ocean of knowledge lie undiscovered before me” – Now it seems I could really comprehend the lines – really, so small and helpless do we find ourselves when we look at the vast ocean or the sky overhead. The meaning of freedom, the value of freedom can only be understood when we are compelled to live in confinement – both physical and mental.

Being a student of literature, I had the privilege of reading Milton and to quote him “The mind is in its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” (Paradise Lost) – The mind – the most wonderful creation of God therefore plays wonders. Being in isolation, in confinement, it is important to keep the mind ‘in its place.’ This is perhaps, what had been stressed upon in the Holy Scriptures of our great Nation. The important point is to remain self motivated – I know though it is difficult to put into practice – this is actually what ‘we’, the infected persons need.

My mind, my thoughts, take me back to the pre-independence days and I imagine how the great freedom fighters of the country spent their life within the walls of Cellular jail – I try to draw inspiration from those great souls, and believe me – these thoughts provide me with strength and solace. But, the mind wavers and whenever I hear stories of how patients and their families are getting harassed by ‘us’ in the society, I get demotivated.

To strike the balance – the mental balance is really difficult. What differentiates common people like me from the great souls, the great leaders, is perhaps, this ability to maintain the balance, the composure and move ahead towards their goal. I imagine the kind of motivation and balance that our Hon’ble Prime Minister Narendra Modi Ji have – how could he manage to spend hours together meditating in a cave, somewhere in the hills. I imagine the motivation that led our beloved and Hon’ble Health and Education Minister, Dr. Himanta Biswa Sarma to work for ‘us’, the people, when he himself was having an ailment. It is people like them to whom I look up and try to keep myself motivated.

Respected and learned Readers, you have every right to differ with me, but, believe me, I jot down the lines as it comes to me – it’s like – if I may use the term – ‘stream of consciousness’ – circuitous musings of a perturbed mind.

Also Read: COVID Diary: Myth surrounding the virus more fatal than the virus itself, writes Arunabha Bhattacharjee

Mrs. Moumita Gupta of way2barak was kind enough to ask me to share my thoughts. This made me to pen down my feelings for way2barak). Next episode on 17 July, 2020.

** Arunabha Bhattacharjee, is an Assistant Professor, Department of English, Radhamadhab College, Silchar. He tested COVID-19 positive on 12 July, 2020 and is now undergoing treatment at SM Dev Civil Hospital, Silchar. He is asymptomatic and his condition is stable.